Mothers, Daughters, Sons

28 years ago today, exactly, I was exhaustedly awaiting the arrival of my first child. I was hugely pregnant, had not been able to see my feet for several months, could not get into or out of chairs or beds without assistance, and generally looked like a beached whale. I could not WAIT to have my first baby, but was scared too. What if I couldn't handle the labor and delivery? What if the baby was too big? What if I was a horrible, terrible awful mother? What if....

My husband was very sweet and patient with me even though he said years later that I cried every morning for the last month of my pregnancy. He claimed I awoke every morning with, "Will I ever have this baby?!!" I don't recall the every morning part, but I do remember saying that a couple of times. Craig gave me my first Mother's Day card on this date in 1984, although it would be a week before our son, Nathanael, was born. Receiving that card made everything real to me. I suddenly felt and realized the true seriousness of having a baby and raising a child. It terrified me. I panicked. I called my mother.

Mother laughed at me and said, "Of course you'll be a great mother, Elaine! You've been practicing for years with all the babies and kids I took care of and you've always loved and had a way with them. Why would you suddenly panic now?"  Or course, Mother was the best mother I ever met. Everyone always thinks their mother is best, but my mother could givehave given courses in raising children. She knew everything from first aid and major medical illness care to teaching your kiddo to read at the age of 3 or 4, to disciplining that same kiddo when they did something stupid and dangerous like inserting a bobby pin in an electrical socket, to rocking them in the rocking chair and reading stories when they had asthma attacks, to listening to teenagers ad nauseum while they discussed with great angst all the horrors of being rejected by their current crush, and, finally, to telling those same grown kids to get over themselves, pray to God for strength and wisdom, and have that baby!

A week later, on May 20, 1984 at 2:32 p.m., after 24+ hours of labor, I did finally have that baby. I fell completely, deeply, totally head over heels in love with that big baby boy of mine and would have killed anybody in a single shot if they had in any way hurt him or even threatened to do so. When his brother was born one year later on July 12, 1985, I fell completely in love all over again. I was totally gone over my boys and am still that way. The first time your child is placed in your arms, you gaze into each other's eyes, their little fist curls around your finger, and your hearts are forever melded together.

They talk about the mother tigress syndrome and it is true. When a woman has babies, she becomes a stronger, better, wiser, and crazed woman who will do anything to love, protect, and care for her children. There have been instances over the years when I became that tigress, defending my sons physically, mentally and emotionally. At age 50, I can honestly say right here and now that if someone was threatening either of my 6'2" sons, I'd be a roaring tigress again in a heartbeat. That's just what mothers do, right?

My mother was a blessing to me all my life. She was my protective tigress, my wise teacher, and my loving counselor. If not for her, I might not have made it through those early years of babies and new motherhood. She's been gone for 11 years now and I still think of her and her wisdom all the time. The other afternoon as Alan and I were driving down the road to Texas, I suddenly recalled this moment when she was holding each of my sons at the same time, one on each hip. She was beaming with pride, love, and joy and the little boys in her arms were grinning too.  That picture in my mind is the epitome of motherhood to me, all wrapped up in one joyful package. What a priviledge to have had both a wonderful mother and to have been given such beautiful sons.  Happy Mother's Days to all three of you.  I love you with all my heart.